Birth Affirmations

Birth is hard work. It's called labor for a reason. And yes, it can be painful but it's pain with a purpose and if you have the right mindset and tools then pain can be managed.

My choice of tools to manage pain during labor are water (shower/bath), walking, rocking, "dancing", focusing on my hands and forehead and keeping them relaxed, peppermint for nausea, and the support of my husband. As for mindset, it's all about the mantras. 

With my first two births I just kept thinking, "ooooooopen" over and over again. It was something to say to remember to keep my voice long and low, but it didn't really help me stay on top of the contractions. Instead, I was riding them out. Which wasn't too bad until transition and pushing (thankfully the shortest parts). During transition I felt like I couldn't catch up and during pushing the pain got away from me a little. My mindset kind of worked, but I'm pretty sure there's a better way. 

Enter a new tool for the right mindset: birth affirmations. These affirmations are great tools to really let your mind let go and let your body do its thing. Trying to fight against the body during labor only makes pain more acute, but accepting contractions and realizing that they are no stronger than you are keeps the pain in perspective and the mind focused on other things. Labor is truly pain with a purpose, and an incredible reward at the end. 

When making my list I asked the advice of my dear best friend, and drew from a few other sources: the Bible, The Way by St. Josemaria Escriva, input from some Facebook and Instagram friends, and Pinterest. I've got a few good lists of birth affirmations pinned on my pregnancy board.

Here is my list of birth affirmations:

I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.

-- Philippians 4:13

"Pray that I may never be satisfied with what is easy", you say. I've already prayed. Now it is up to you to carry out that fine resolution.

-- The Way, Character, 39

Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

-- Matthew 11:28 

Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God.

-- Isaiah 41:10

For I the Lord your God, hold your right hand.

-- Isaiah 41:13

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

-- Joshua 1:9

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.

-- Proverbs 3:5

So, when you are not able to go on, when you feel that your fire is dying out, if you cannot throw it on sweet smelling logs, throw on the branches and twigs of short vocal prayers and ejaculations, to keep the bonfire burning. And you will not have wasted your time.

-- The Way, Prayer, 92

Suffering overwhelms you because you take it like a coward. Meet it bravely, with a Christian spirit, and you will esteem it like a treasure. 

-- The Way, Heart, 169

You suffer in this present life, which is only a dream, and a short one at that. Rejoice, because your Father God loves you so much, and if you put no obstacles in His way, after this bad dream He will give you a good awakening.

-- The Way, Tribulations, 692 

For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition which I made to Him.

-- 1 Samuel 1:27

Don't think of it as pain. Thank of it a an interesting sensation that requires all of your attention.

-- Ina May Gaskin

The Power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me because it IS me.

The experience of labor and birth is a great gift.

We have a secret in our culture, it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong.

-- Laura Stavoe Harm

So friends, do you have any more for me? The stronger the mindset the better! 

A Girl After Two Boys

Can I make a confession?

I am absolutely terrified that we are having a baby girl.

I'm also excited, overjoyed, already in love, and absolutely looking forward to meeting my little girl. Just like with my boys, I have high hopes for her and I know that she will go on to do great things in her own way and time.

But I'm also scared. Teaching things like positive body image, not to take crap from anyone (especially boyfriends), true femininity and womanhood, what it means to be truly respected and respect others, good relationships, etc. intimidates the heck out of me. Part of me wants to keep her in a little bubble for forever, but I realize that's completely impractical and no way to live.

I don't have these fears with the boys. Maybe it's because I know how I was when I was growing up (yikes), maybe it's from personal experiences and choices that I made growing up. I want to protect her from some of those experiences and bad choices, and from all of the bad things that can happen out in the world. But I realize that this is not a practical way to approach raising a girl vs. raising boys.

So, dear friends, how does a mother teach her daughter self love and positive body image when mom struggles with both? And how does a mother teach her daughter to be more discerning with her relationships than her mother was? And how does a mother protect her daughter from all of the things that can hurt her and the bad decisions that she can make without locking her up or sending her off to a nunnery?

The best place I can think to start is by making sure hubs and I have a strong and positive relationship. And by hubs showing Emma how a man should treat a woman. Hubs and I need to model healthy communication, appreciation, respect, conflict resolution, and, of course, love, affection and intimacy. Along the lines of healthy relationships, showing Emma the value of deep friendships with other women and also the benefits of having older women as mentors would be great places to start.

Obviously modeling self respect, confidence, healthy relationships etc. is important for all of our children, I just seem to be more afraid that I'll screw up raising a girl than boys. We definitely plan to "date" all of our kids one on one for multiple reasons. Each child needs to have a one on one relationship with their parents that's particular to him or her, and each child needs to have the continued opportunities to connect with each parent.

With Emma's arrival imminent all of these things run through my head and keep me up at night (along with contractions), and I know I'm getting ahead of myself. The newborn days (and possibly the NICU) are in our immediate future and I ought to be preparing for her Baptism, sleepless nights, establishing a nursing relationship and bonding, remembering how to baby wear a newborn and concerning myself with making sure my boys aren't left out when Emma comes. So pray for us, and for our family. For now we have to focus on as smooth a transition as possible when Emma is born, we have plenty of time to worry about everything else later.

The Importance of True Intimacy When Conventional Intimacy Isn't Possible

Our Wedding Day

When hubs and I went through pre-Cana we talked a lot about communication, conflict resolution, financial matters, sex, children, growing in our faith, and intimacy. We had sessions with our pastor, took an NFP class, and attended a diocesan conference for engaged couple. An ongoing theme from our pastor, the NFP teaching couple, and the two married couples who led the conference was the need for true intimacy in marriage. One of the couples who led the conference was on their 60th year of marriage, and during one of their sessions they talked about how to learn what true intimacy was. They also stressed that true intimacy is developed over time and, contrary to what the majority of people think they know about intimacy, intimacy is not solely physical or sexual. In fact, the definition of intimacy makes no mention of anything physical. According to Merriam-Webster intimacy is "the state of being intimate" or "something of a personal or private nature." Emotional and spiritual intimacy are just as important as physical and sexual intimacy, and without the first two the last two are difficult.

Hubby and I were, of course, going through pre-Cana with half our brains because we were so focused on our wedding day and all the planning involved. Everything we were meant to learn kind of got filed away to process later. When the reality hit that marriage really is as much work as everyone was trying to tell us we luckily had some knowledge to fall back on and

It was only after being put on pelvic rest that I even remembered all the focus on intimacy. Pelvic rest is pretty self explanatory. And while part of NFP involves abstinence during fertile periods, it's only for a few days at a time. Not weeks. Not months. Hubs and I had never talked about anything like this coming up, we never really acknowledged that a situation could arise wherein our physical marital intimacy would be impossible for an extended period of time.

We both have had to make some adjustments to the circumstances, and have started to understand the need for true intimacy. We've also realized that in order to foster true intimacy we need to make a few things a real priority:

1. communication
2. honesty/openness
3. friendship
4. prayer

Without communication, we'd be more roommates than spouses. We've fallen into that rut before, it's not fun. We both got wrapped up in how busy we were, that we ended up living parallel lives instead of an integrated life. Communication isn't easy when one of you is upset or hurt, it's not easy when you're tired, or if you've gotten out of the habit of communicating. But it's so very important to stay connected when you're married.

Communication is both verbal and nonverbal. Communication take practice. It's harder to reopen lines of communication than it is to keep them open even under difficult circumstances. Not to mention people with different personalities communicate in different ways and at different times. Sometimes I just want to talk about an issue in order express how I'm feeling about it, validate those feelings, and then I can think more clearly about how to address and solve the issue. But when hubby hears me wanting to talk about an issue all he focuses on is how he can fix the problem for me. It took a little bit of practice (and exasperation) to convey that all I needed him to do was listen and validate and then I would solve.

On the other side, hubs isn't much of a talker. He doesn't like to burden people, he likes to solve things in his own way on his own time, and when he's bothered by something his way of communicating is physical -- a hug and a kiss, snuggling up on the couch, physical intimacy. This isn't to say he keeps things from me, he just mentions them in passing. Physical intimacy is his way of being validated, and it took me some time to realize this. Too often I was too busy to stop and share a long hug and a smooch, because it wasn't my way to communicate, and it wasn't the way I experienced validation from my husband.

Along the lines of communication come honesty and openness. Being honest isn't just about not lying to your spouse. It's about not withholding information your spouse needs to know. It's also about making sure that decisions and issues get a fair shot at being discussed, and going into enough detail to get a point across instead of assuming your spouse will understand a novel full of information through one sentence. Here is where openness comes into play. If hubs asks me how I'm doing, I can't assume or expect him to realize that when I say, "I'm ok" I really mean, "I'm overwhelmed, tired, stressed out, had a rough day with the kids, I'm behind on housework, I need help and you better understand all of this when I say 'I'm ok' or you're going to be in the doghouse." If I want him to know all of this, I need to tell him. On the flip side, when he hears "I'm ok" he now knows to press the issue a little to make sure everything really is ok.

Friendship and prayer will have to wait for another day, I didn't realize how long winded I am! My apologies! And it took me two days on and off to write this much, so if I were to try and get the rest in now I'd never hit post. Until next time!

We Make Plans and God Laughs

We've all heard the saying, make plans and God laughs. Well I can tell you how true this is. It all started with my New Years Resolutions. As Hubby and I sat on the couch watching the time tick away and the crazy New Years celebrations, I made the following list of goals for the new year:





















If you can't read my chicken scratch, it's a lot of working towards getting organized, decluttering, becoming a more connected wife and mom, working on communication, finish the projects that I start, having a less haphazard and desperate prayer life, you get the idea. I was really struggling keeping a balance in all of my duties of a stay at home mom. The kids, the housework, the cooking, incorporating learning and playtime, continuing with my baking and sewing etc. I either had a spotlessly clean house and kids who sat in front of the TV for most of the day, or a disaster of a house with happy kids. Not to mention I got so wrapped with everything I had or wanted to do and my poor hubby sometimes was left by the wayside. By the time we were done with our days and the kids were in bed, we barely had energy for the dishes much less each other.

So I geared my resolutions and goals towards becoming more efficient and organized, with specific monthly goals to tackle. My first monthly goal was to wake up at the same time every morning. Sounds silly, but what better way to begin working out an efficient routine than to get up at the same time every morning, and go to bed at the same time every night. I didn't come up with this on my own, I took the suggestion from St. Josemaria Escriva and his book The Way which is a collection of meditation points regarding various topics. The five points below come from the section on Direction:

76. If you don't have a plan of life, you'll never have order.

77. You told me that to tie yourself to a plan of life, to a schedule, would be so monotonous!

And I answered, "It is monotonous because you lack Love."

78. If you don't get up at a set hour, you'll never fulfill your plan of life.

79. Virtue without order? Strange virtue!

80. With order, your time will be multiplied, and you will be able to give more glory to God by doing more work in his service.

Having always balked at routine and schedules and order I didn't know where to start, so where did I turn? Pinterest of course! With a little searching I found this free yearly planner, and this free Ultimate Life Planning System. I picked and chose from each and came up with a planner that I thought would work best for me. I spent a good chunk of time filling it out, coming up with a daily cleaning schedule, separate to do lists for getting my projects done, curriculum for starting to homeschool Liam, weekly plans, I organized my coupons and came up with a reasonable daily routine for me and the kids. AND I got myself up at my target wake up time the morning of January 1st. I was on a roll! 

The night of January 1st was a different story. Kevin took me to the hospital for some contractions that were slightly concerning, but I got to go home after a couple shots of terbutaline, some tests and orders to come back the next morning for an ultrasound to follow up. The next morning my contractions had come back but I didn't think they were too serious. Hubby had to work so my mom stayed with the boys and my brother drove me back to the hospital for my follow up ultrasound which we thought was going to be routine. It turned out I was contracting every two minutes and it seemed like Emma was going to make her appearance that day just short of 31 weeks. I was admitted and immediately hooked up to a magnesium drip, given steroids for Emma's lungs and given another shot of terbutaline. My 19 year old brother was an angel by my side and kept my husband and parents informed and coordinated the details of who was watching the kids, how to make sure the van and car seats got to the people who needed them and made sure my husband had a car to get to the hospital. It took hubby four hours to get to the hospital between the hour and a half commute home from work and then driving 20 miles through rush hour and a snow storm.

Thankfully labor was stopped, things are stable now and Emma passed her biophysical profiles with flying colors. I never imagined or wanted a pregnancy so full of interventions, but when needed modern medicine is an amazing thing. We stayed in the hospital from Thursday morning until Sunday morning. My and hubby's parents and siblings all surrounded us with love and support and took care of our boys, my parents cleaned our apartment (my dad even washed our dirty cloth diapers!), and everyone did laundry for us. We couldn't be more thankful for all of this as I was discharged with the orders of strict bed rest with the exception of using the bathroom and showering, and only leaving home for my weekly appointments with my new high risk OB (I had previously been with a group of midwives.). 

Talk about being blindsided! After all that organizing and planning I couldn't do any of it, much less clean my house or take care of my kids. I've been on bed rest at home for just shy of a week, and what an adjustment is has been. My husband has been working from home while watching over the kids and me with help from various family members, my mom and sister in law have cleaned my apartment and done laundry (bless my husband, every time he does laundry one of our sweaters turns into a hand me down for the kids), friends and family have brought us food and home cooked meals. I've been trying to entertain the kids from the couch, reading, writing and struggling with my new sedentary role. The fact of the matter is bed rest is the only thing keeping me pregnant right now so I have to let go of my other responsibilities and let people help (not easy). Luckily we are surrounded with supportive families and friends, and my grandfather and one of my aunts have made the journey from Buffalo to help care for me and the boys so that hubby can go back to work if needed or at least work from home with no distractions which is what we're hoping for.

So most of the plans I made have to be postponed. But I can work on my personal internal goals: communicate more effectively, let nothing take away your effectively, pray more and more effectively, less crying more laughter, be happy with what we have while working for what we want, admit fault and praise the success of others, more temperance less temper, learn new things, get up at the same time every morning, be a more connected mom, write more and revive the blog, read more, and let go of the mommy guilt. And maybe this is what I'm supposed to take away from this whole situation.

The Difference a Year Makes...

Well it's been a year since I last wrote, and lots of fun things have happened. Here's our year in short:

Tandem wearing -- Liam on the back in a woven wrap
 John on the front in a ring sling

 I got really into babywearing after my second was born. I kind of did it when Liam was born, but after John was born our survival depended on me figuring out how to hold and nurse a newborn 24/7, and take care of Liam, and cook, and clean, and run errands, and solve the problems of the universe etc. Enter babywearing. I even got Kevin into babywearing. Nothing sexier than a man wearing a baby ;)

Costco run on a Saturday morning -- John in a woven wrap and Liam in a mei tei.

I am no longer a work at home mom, I was able to stop working last spring to be able to focus on our boys which is a huge blessing for Kevin and I. I also have a little more time for my interests and will be able to start preschooling Liam in the near future. Hopefully I'll be able to dedicate time to the blog and not take another year off! I have decided to become a doula and a lactation consultant, and I've started all the required reading. It's going to take some ingenuity to get the classes and certification done while being a stay at home mom, but we will make it work!

My mom gave me a sewing machine for my birthday and all of a sudden I've been really into sewing and quilting, and I'm currently focusing on living a repurposeful life with my sewing. Cloth diapers, turning onesies into dresses, turning old t-shirts into usable objects, etc. Along with living repurposefully, we make as much as we can at home.

As for the kids, Liam turned two and as part of his birthday gift we converted our loft (my old office) into a playroom/school room. When I get my act together and organize a curriculum I'll be able to start Liam's schooling while keeping the other kids occupied up there.

Liam and the Elmo smashcake I made for him

John turned one  and we had a day at the pumpkin patch the day before his party. I can't believe my kids are getting so big! John started walking shortly after his birthday and is having a blast running around after his big brother. It warms my heart to see them play together... until they try to kill each other anyway.

John and the pumpkin smash cake I made for him

Our boys at the pumpkin patch

Pregnancy Announcement #1

Pregnancy Announcement #2

Perhaps our biggest news is that we are expecting our third baby! Emma Christyna is due March 8 but has tried making an early appearance so this mama is on strict bed rest. I'll probably end up writing more about this because the entire experience has been eye opening in ways I never expected. We are stable and healthy right now, so we are praying that Miss Emma stays put as long as possible.

Gender reveal invitation picture

Add caption

I will say that I probably won't ever do another gender reveal party. We had our families and friends over, lots of food made, and Miss Emma decided to be shy so we had no gender to reveal on the day of the party. We did find out three weeks later and announced it to everyone at a set time using a picture sequence ending with the one on the right.


Well that's our year in a nutshell. With all the time I have lying down and being unable to do pretty much anything (argh) hopefully I'll get some good writing done.